Saturday, September 17, 2011

Not Just A Simple Flutter...

Yesterday was a beautiful day all because of one butterfly. For just that 2 minutes of my day, this big orange and brown butterfly...the biggest butterfly I have ever seen...fluttered around me as I was outside. It fluttered half an inch in front of my heart for a full minute. And then did 2 circles around me fluttered away and came back as if it was looking for a spot to sit on me.
This isn't only special because I had never had it happened before...or because butterflies are pretty in general...

Let me tell you my special relationship I have with butterflies...It's very near and dear to my heart.

My grandmother, Phyllis Evelyn Wallis, passed away several years ago. She passed away by suffering the pains of lung cancer and died 3 weeks after she quit smoking.
No matter how many words I use or what words I use, there is no possible way that I can describe to any of you the kind of person my grandmother was.

This is a very VERY old picture of her. She'd probably actually be pissed that I put this up if she were still alive!
Sorry Grandma! But this is all I could find out of my family's facebook albums.

She passed away at the very young age of 58. And her funeral was on the day of my junior prom that I was also nominated for prom princess...

But anyhoo, to the wonders that was my grandma. Not your average elderly woman (saying elderly seems wrong 58 isn't that old to me) my grandmother drove a brand new green mustang convertible, was overweight and dropped down to my size, had talks about getting her belly button pierced, and could tell the dirtiest jokes!
She was simply amazing. Any person she met would be apart of her life forever. You would meet her and think to yourself.."how did I get by at all without her?" A miracle woman, she was. I really truly believe the woman knew everything.
Her and I had become best friends the last several years of her life. The older I got, the closer I became to her. When I was 13 years old, my grandmother took me to a local flea market for a $500 shopping spree to help me start a craft business. It's pretty much always been a dream of mine to be an entrepreneur in a creative outlet. And she believed in me...but it didn't pan out back then.
I hope that this venture with HinckleDoodle is successful and doesn't fizzle out.
Yesterday made me realize that this is my chance to show her that I finally see, or at least partially see, what she had seen in me then.
I want to make her proud from wherever you believe she is now.

I know where I see her. I see her in butterflies. My grandmother was a spiritual woman and in tune with nature. She didn't believe in doctors...she believed in minerals and vitamins and our own willpower and strength. So nature and my grandmother were best friends, so to speak.

One day, not long after she passed, alone in my car I was driving on a back country road on a sunny day...I began to think of my "G-Ma" and I started to bawl to the point it was probably unsafe for me to continue to drive...and there it was, this beautiful cluster of about 30 to 40 yellow butterflies that slowly fluttered 15 feet in front of my vehicle. And I just had this feeling...I knew it was her...

And maybe it's all just coincidence, that when I'm really low or really happy or worrying, that I see a butterfly...but it doesn't matter because it's what I believe that matters.
I believe that it's my grandmother's spirit.

Something good is going to happen, I can feel it.
Because of that moment, I know that big things are going to happen and they will be amazing.
And they will partially be because of her doing.
My grandmother was great at maybe she pulled some strings with fate, and God, and what-have-you.  ;)

Thanks Grandma Phyll.
I will always love you.
And I always tell everyone about you.
I don't even feel like she's really passed on...I just feel like she's been busy and unable to call me.
That's not unhealthy. I call it hopeful.
Hopeful that it was just a bad dream. That she's not gone.

I wish you all could have met her.

<3 Jess

Side Note:
I wrote this yesterday, but I think it's strange...with this post and last post my life has correlated with each after I write the draft...
Let me explain...last blog post was about inspiration and a couple hours after that post I got an email from a new e-friend saying that my blog inspired her! And now we have a collab project in the works...
And then this post was written late last night and a couple hours after, I was invited to join the Facebook Breast Cancer Awareness Project! Isn't that amazing!?
I think it's special...
Maybe I should try to write a post about winning a million dollars...maybe I'll get a pile of money dropped into my lap or thrown at my head within a couple hours!!!

1 comment:

  1. That was just beautiful.
    Touched me really deeply.
    I too had a special relationship with my grandma and even though she died over 20 years ago, thinking of her still raises a smile and I shed a tear at the same time. She too was silly and feisty and rude.
    Loved your blog.